Country Girls Pee Faster

As intern/office bitch for an established music management company, I had the opportunity to experience some legitimate country music this weekend. Now, coming from Texas, you may suspect that country runs through my viens. Here - mistaken. I've never been able to get into the "my girl left me and I jist got my dog now" lyric genre.

So I worked at this Kevin Fowler show at a place called Weirdos in Austin, TX. As if the wife-beater no-bra jean cut-off shorts girls washing the abundant Harley's in the front were not enough of a warning, I was soon greeted by more F450s than I have ever seen in one place at one time.

Dumb, drunk and friendly. If that's not already the title to a two-four country jam, I hope it soon will be. That's exactly what you find at a country show. Men and women alike falling over with their Coors Light by 10 pm and the headliner hasn't even gone on yet...when he's there he is sure to pump the liquid and make sure his audience is propelling their inebriation to the fullest extent. His first three songs: "The Lord Loves the Drinkin Man" Coors and Buds raised in praise-ful agreement. "Butterbean" - apparently women are some kind of bean. "Beer Bait and Ammo" speaks for itself. And after "Pound Sign" (#) which you sing because it feels so dang good to let that "f-bomb" go I didn't think I could handle much more. After only 2 Jack and cokes, I wasn't fitting into the atmosphere of inebriation. The line at the bathroom, about 15 people long. My phone is dead so other than obsessively applying lip-gloss I have no choice but the chat with the drunken blonde bathroom goers. I have to say, everyone was exceptionally nice, even so nice as to stroke and wink at me...drawing the attention of some near-standing USA flag-clad good ol' boys. Luckily the line moves fast at country shows. I gotta say, country girls just know how to pee fast. None of this primpin' shit goes down in the bathroom (not to mention probably nobody is snorting up blow in the stalls) Country girls pee faster than city girls, it's just a fact (and maybe another future country song title).

I thought I'd had enough, but then a 4x4 or two blocking my car in. Security's answer: "haha yeah you're fucked til the show's done." Great. Luckily a friend could save my life an rescue me.

Will I go to another country show? Probably not. But glad for the experience. Dumb drunk and friendly - Country music.